smashes into house with car, happens all the time, amirite?

So I haven't been shoveling down the usual high fructose meals that I generally masticate, no I've been eating other things. 
Things with stuff like Fiber and Protein, but I've been awfully ill lately too, and I think that "real food" is making the situation worse. 
Whole lotta good "real food" does me, amirite?  

-Well that or the fact that the other day for dinner I had 1/2 a pound of raw uncooked meat...-but my bets on the "real food." Anyways I've got a lot of couch time on my hands, so here's something I felt like sharing:

 2010 was a car accident free year for me!*
And so far, 2011 is accident free as well!
(Please, be impressed)

Yes I haven't been in an accident, but my car's still taking quite a beating out here.  The other day I rammed him into a snowbank, I was certain his tires would go rolling off but they didn't.  Then the other night I plowed him into a house, but he's okkay.

Now don't think I'm some sort of abusive car owner, I'm not. I know, I know, that's what all sadists say, but let me say somethings before you cast your judgment:

First, I didn't plow into any old house, 
I plowed into my brother's house. So 
I feel like that makes it a little bit better.  
Also, I didn't realize I had plowed into his 
house. Well not until 4 days after the fact. So 
I feel like that makes it a little bit better.  

Parking at my house is tight, there are many cars, and not enough spots.  In the parking lot, we become hostile and distrusting.

"They're going to park there?!? How's anyone suppose to squeeze around that stupid obese car? Not all can do those Fast-Furious moves you can MOM, pshh the nerve."

 On top of this, my little brother won't let me park next to him.  As he explains "You're smart Maddyline, but you're stupid at walking, and turning on the lights, I can see you swinging around the corner to park, and *whoopsy daisy* so yeaaa maybe you can fit in that corner over there."  

So I've been reduced to trying to wedge my car in this ditch of a corner.  Impossible, but I've manged, until last week.  I had left my car at a friend's house while I was off in Canada, and while I was gone it snowed.  I drove carefully home and pulled into the driveway to park. 

Except there was nowhere to park. 
Literally, not even my ditch.  

It had snowed a bunches, so naturally the driveway and parking lot had to be shoveled out -except it hadn't been.  Rather, people had only shoveled their respected parking spots. Huh.

(Me) "Hey Mommy, little Brobee I'm home. So Canada was so cool, I wore iceskates and-"
(Ali)  "Hey yea yea -watching the Office right now so..."
(Me) "Um so where am I suppose to park?  There's no spot, and the snow is rock hard, so there's no way I could even try to blast a parking spot through--"
(Mum)  "Madeleen es Office tiempo, go away!"
(Me)  "But Mum, where am I suppose to park?!"
(Irate Mum)  "Find spot somewhere and walk."

And so throwing popcorn kernels to shoo me away I find myself driving to my brother's house because he has a nice flat spacey driveway.  Unfortunately the cars are parked haphazardly, but I see a space where I think I can manage to fit right next to his house.  I sidle up closely with my music popping. It sounds different, but I haven't listened to music in a while.  Oh did I bang against the corner of the house? Maybe... NO. If I did I definitely would've heard it over the music. I'm really tired. Reverse. Forward. Forward, Reverse. Gah. Just park.

Days later, I catch up with my brother. Earlier he slipped on ice and reached for the porch to catch himself, but it fell apart, and so he fell and took his porch down with him. Preposterous.  I take the opportunity to go to the car wash (long story, but l can only go with Miz, it's a requirement actually) and that's when I notice the huge dent on the right side of my car and a whole bunch of scratches.  I tweak out.  

"Where did this come from? I haven't even driven my car since leaving it at your house."
He quickly defends himself "Hey we didn't touch your car, so it wasn't us." 

Replaying the brief driving I've done, and with a clear head it dawns on me, I know exactly how this huge dent and scratches happened.  And so I confess to my brother:

(Me) "Hehe, yeah I wasn't accusing you.  You know I would never get angry at you, even if it was in some weird way your fault... uhh by the way, so before this morning your porch was of sound quality?"
(Miz) "I didn't do it Maleen, and yeah, I mean we don't really use it, why?"
(Me)  "Ehh the other night when I parked at your house, I was really tired and listening to music and it sounded different, but that's 'cause I hadn't listened to it in a while..Or so I thought... Eh I might have um hit your house..."
(Miz)  "What?!"
(Me)  "Yeah but I though it was my music so I just kept pulling forward and backward, I think at one point I thought maybe I had hit your house but then I thought nah it's just the music so I kept pulling forward... and maybe i dragged your porch forward, and when I reversed I think I dragged it tentatively back into place... but it wasn't attached to your house anymore so... that might be why it feel apart so easily... I mean maybe, it was probably a crappy porch anyways, hehe"
(Miz) Blinks at me.
(Me) "Don't tell Ali, this will just be one more thing I'm not allowed to do, like turning the lights on at home, or car washing, or come on, please? I've never done this!" 
(Miz) Blinks at me.
(Me) "Let me treat me you to McDonalds."

-yep that's me, stay classy, maddy :)

*well technically I was in one minor accident but it wasn't quite my fault, so naturally that doesn't count